Disclaimer: This is a strictly satirical opinion piece that does not reflect the beliefs of The Montclarion in any way.
We’re all guilty of it: forgetting to buy your friends and family a gift, a rite of passage for the holidays.
Take me, for example. I forgot to get anyone anything for four years straight.
But not anymore! Here are some great gift ideas to make your friends and family full of holiday cheer:
Homemade Book
Let your parents know what you’ve been up to in the most secretive years of your life! They’ll love it! | Avery Nixon
Parents love homemade gifts. Anything homemade gives them a piece of you to cherish forever.
This holiday, make them their very own storybook! Staple together a couple of pieces of folder paper, draw on a great cover and on each page, write a secret you’ve kept from your parents!
This book is a fun way to playfully let them know you were the one who crashed the car into the mailbox or that you threw a rager of a party when they were on their anniversary trip. Maybe even include all the speeding tickets you’ve hidden from them. They’ll love it!
DIY T-shirts
The best gifts are the ones that pit your family against each other. | Avery Nixon
Forgot everyone’s gifts for the holidays? No worries, here’s one for the whole family.
First, get a plain T-shirt for every member of your family and some fabric markers. Next, number each shirt for each member, ranking them from most favorite to least favorite.
Now, every year they can get a new shirt with their updated rankings.
Love
Help a sibling out and set them up with their longtime, secret crush! | Avery Nixon
Do you have a sibling in high school who has a crush on someone who won’t even notice them? Love is one of the world’s greatest gifts, so why not give it to someone else?
This year, do your sibling a favor and tell their crush they like them.
They’ll be so thankful you took a leap of faith and exposed their undying love to their crush!
A New Pet
Invite this adorable new, possibly rabid friend into the family this season! | Avery Nixon
Do you have a younger sibling begging your parents for a kitten or puppy this Christmas? Be the hero your sibling needs.
Go out to the woods and get them a wild animal. You also save on dog or cat food because wild animals just eat what nature has given to them.
This gift is cost-effective and makes a great addition to the family.
Hope for the Future
Give your family the best gift of all, the hope you’ll give them some grandkids! | Avery Nixon
Holidays can be stressful with the one burning question asked by your extended family: “Are you seeing anybody right now?”
Of course we aren’t! No one wants us, but we can’t let the family know that. It might give grandpa a heart attack.
This Christmas, get your family the thing they always wanted most: to see you finally get a significant other.
All you have to do is post a Craigslist ad seeking a fake companion to take pictures with and bring to family events. Then, you can “break up” with them and act devastatingly heartbroken so no one will ask you that question again for at least a couple of years.
Permanent Joy
The best gifts last forever. | Avery Nixon
You may be in need of something memorable, maybe even eternal. What else could bring more joy than a permanent gift for your parent?
Grab your youngest sibling — the favorite sibling — of course, and give them a tattoo that says “I love my mom!” or “I love my dad!” Make it big and noticeable, too.
This is a gift that can last an eternity and will let your parents know their children love them forever.
Painting
Get artistic this holiday season and give your siblings’ belongings a makeover. | Avery Nixon
Teenage siblings can be hard to please. All of those hormones, and none of which make them pleasant to be around. You need a gift that will make them super cheerful for the holiday season.
Take their vape out from its hiding spot and paint something they would love on it. If you need approval on whether they’re going to like it or not, show mom and dad to get their opinions.
Hopefully, this helped you get a few ideas to ease the gift-giving anxiety that comes with the holidays. These DIY presents will truly ensure a calm, peaceful and cheerful Christmas for the whole family.
