Where is she? I thought. I never was one for crowds, especially like this. Bodies on top of bodies, even bodies hung, moving like go-go dancers, in cages from the ceiling. The music was pumping and the stage lights gleaned across the half naked sea of thrashing and swaying concert goers. Even I was half naked, my shirt cut up by Sara on the C train.
“You have to look the part here,” she said, arts and craft scissors in hand while panhandlers and wall street brokers looked the other way. She stashed them behind a trash can on our way into the club, and then here I was, my sweat mixing and mingling amongst everyone else’s perspiration as I waited for her to return from the bar with her gin and juice and my whiskey sour. Who could ever find love in a place like this? I couldn’t even tell why my girlfriend liked places like this, my skin crawls and my eyes scan constantly, I never could feel at ease, especially when I had that girl dancing in my direction. Her glistening skin and glitter clad eye shadow creeping closer amidst the suffocating crowd. She was within inches of me when I finally gave her an acknowledging and half hearted grin. I kept my eyes on the horizon, searching for where Sara ran off to. I could feel the woman in front of me pushing, pressing, possibly wanting. I didn’t want her, I wanted Sara, but not in that place. Not there, I wanted to be anywhere else but in this ocean of lust. Especially with her getting closer and closer, but of course when the song changed and the crowd leaped off their feet she rushed forward into my arms, she latched onto my waist and pulled me forward, she pushed her tongue between my closed lips, the momentum of her pull drew me in, but after a passing second I pulled my face loose from hers. I staggered backwards, my heart nearly jumping out of my chest. I scanned the room quickly making sure Sara didn’t see, I had so much I wanted to say, and a part of me wanted to forgive her.
“Who told you that was okay?” was all I could manage to get out. Her face was long and the sweat on her arms raised into goosebumps.
“I’m so sorry,” she said in a near whisper. I inhaled sharply, looked around the room and slipped away quickly into the depths of the crowd to find Sara. I never could bring myself to tell her about the kiss.
