Roger Goodell Finally Admits Water is Wet, Sky is Blue

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Published April 1, 2016
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The Montclarion
National Football League (NFL) Commissioner Roger Goodell delivers remarks during an event at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point, N.Y., launching an initiative between the Army and the NFL to work to raise awareness about traumatic brain injury Aug. 30, 2012. Goodell and U.S. Army Gen. Raymond T. Odierno, the chief of staff of the Army, jointly signed a letter formalizing the initiative during the event. (U.S. Army photo by Staff Sgt. Teddy Wade/Released)

DISCLAIMER: The following article is an April Fools’ Day article. Though it may relate to real people or events, it is not factual.

Roger Goodell, NFL Commissioner, has revolutionized pro football. Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Roger Goodell, NFL Commissioner, has revolutionized pro football.
Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

In a shocking turn of events, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and other league sources have conceded that water is wet and the sky is blue. This marks a major turning point in the NFL’s history, as the league has denied these facts for decades in the face of several lawsuits.

Frank DeLucci, a world-renowned hydrologist, led the fight to make the NFL come to this realization. DeLucci said, “This is huge. I don’t think people realize how big this acknowledgment is. Now, NFL players can safely drink water without worrying that they’ll become parched during the game.”

The NFL maintained for years that water was not wet, and was, in fact, a dry substance. Lawsuits were continually filed against the NFL, as they did not allow water in its facilities.

Indra Nooyl, the CEO of PepsiCo Inc., released an official statement: “We are pleased to hear this news.Pepsi will begin serving Aquafina in all NFL stadiums starting next season.”

Goodell also turned heads when he admitted that the sky is blue. The league has held that the sky is actually transparent, despite vitriolic opposition to their claims.

Phil Leftous, an environmental scientist, said, “It’s about damn time.”

In the past, several league officials have floated the idea that the sky being blue might be linked to the ocean being blue. Other league officials firmly maintained that the sky is transparent. Now, the league has realization that the sky is blue, and there’s no turning back.

Fans of the NFL can finally rest easy knowing that the league accepts facts and is becoming progressive on issues like hydration and science.

DISCLAIMER: The above article is an April Fools’ Day article. Though it may relate to real people or events, it is not factual.

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