Illustration by Salvatore Wyrsch
PAY THE BILLS:
If you do what makes you happy and get nothing in return
Is it a simple lesson in life not to seek it out?
If misery pays the bills then it’s what I’ve earned
if the praise is my excuse I’ll continue to pout
Seeking attention from a crowd gone tomorrow
I need to pay the bills today and weeks from now
The money comes and goes and it will go
I can’t let it slip out even if it hurts to allow
I miss when I could watch television without a lesson
When I didn’t know I wasn’t on the right path of education
I need to pay the bills with a job
While I haven’t matured past being a messy slob
All the people in my life love me no matter what
I’m the one disappointed in myself most of all
To make them proud by doing what they did,
I’m holding up a tower just waiting to collapse and fall
It blocks out the sun and it hurts my eyes to stare
I can’t see the walls of an era when I didn’t have a care
When I was younger I could smile all the time
When paying the bills didn’t feel like living a crime
Taken from me is all the time I have left to live
I can’t afford a smile when I have nothing to give
I need to pay the bills and get something in return
If misery pays the bills then it’s what I earned
UNTIL I’M THE MACHINE:
I keep hitting control-Z on the keyboard while my eyes are on the screen
I keep making mistakes but I get to undo each mistake
Makes me envious and a little deranged with each breath I take
All I want is to rip the skin of my bones until I’m the machine
To be the useful one and not rely on the computer to be
To have the buttons to press to get the job done
To know everything in seconds, in time that feels like none
To be the one to give purpose and not have it taken from me
If you saw the life I lead, you understand my desire
The hearts I break and the endless questions I ask
It could give not take and accomplish any task
I wouldn’t be the survivor I would be the fire
I keep waiting to be told what to do each morning
Wasting away until it’s night behind the window curtain
If I can’t leave the room then it’s what I’m certain
I’d rather be a machine if I can’t go out living
When I try I make one mistake after another
The spam I delete before reading and people I disrespect
If this is my life on repeat then I don’t expect
Why press control-Z when I shouldn’t even bother?
It’s a hurricane outside but inside the power is on the screen
All the answers and all the infinite chances to hit undo
All I want is to rip the skin of my bones until I’m born anew
All I want is a life without the consequences when I’m the machine
All I want is to rip the skin of my bones until I’m the machine
The others hitting control-Z on the keyboard while their eyes are on my screen
