DISCLAIMER: The following article is an April Fools’ Day article. Though it may relate to real people or events, it is not factual.
One of Hawk Crossings’ claims to fame is that the apartment complex is haunted. Some of Montclair State University’s students say that the building was established on an Native American burial ground, while others say a ghost inhabits the woods behind the buildings. However, the Lost Juggalo of Hawk Crossings is almost completely unknown to students, despite evidence of its existence being in plain sight.
After a large snowstorm in January 2016, a Faygo can was buried by somebody in the snow in front of the Falco building. The can was first noticed by The Montclarion staff on the Tuesday immediately following the storm, and a paranormal expert’s advice was sought after the can belched up some ectoplasm.
“Yeah, there’s some paranormal activity all up in this can,” said Paranormal Investigator and Ghost Specialist Joseph Bruce. “We got some major readings on this here P.K.E. meter. Only one kind of ghost would leave behind a haunted can of Faygo — and that’s a juggalo ghost.” The can belched up a vapor of ectoplasm once Bruce retracted his P.K.E. meter.
Juggalos are fans of the clown-based rap group Insane Clown Posse (ICP). They paint their faces in the same clown-based style as the group’s performers and attend the Gathering of the Juggalos, a music festival by juggalos, for juggalos. Most importantly, juggalos partake in the same brand of soft drink as ICP — Faygo.
Residents interviewed about the ghost were completely in the dark in regards to its existence. “I don’t even know what a juggalo is,” said Al Borland, a senior home improvement major. “Is that some kind of prostitute?”
As a junior paranormal investigation major and an intern under Bruce, Fox Mulder is one of the few students of the complex who is actually familiar with the Lost Juggalo. “Every year, the Gathering of the Juggalos — a musical festival celebrating ICP and other musical acts – is hosted by Psychopathic Records,” said Mulder. “To sum up the story of the Lost Juggalo, it’s said that an ICP fan from Montclair State University died at the Gathering by drowning in what’s known as ‘Lake Hepatitis’ — an allegedly polluted swimming pool that’s one of the more infamous features of the Gathering of the Juggalos.”
“For whatever reason, the spirit of the Juggalo did not ascend to the Dark Carnival, but instead floated away from his body toward Montclair State,” continued Mulder. “He was a resident of the Village, but instead he was drawn to haunt the general area around the supernatural gathering point of Hawk Crossings — hence his being described as ‘Lost.’”
According to Mulder’s testimony, the juggalo ghost sometimes leaves behind evidence — be it a blob of ectoplasm, an ICP CD or empty can of Faygo. “Typically, anything left behind by the ghost stays there, completely unmovable and harmful to the touch,” said Mulder. “There’s a CD of ‘Riddle Box’ in the Crossings woods that’s been around ever since Montclair State’s Guy Fieri On-Campus was first erected, and Fieri himself still has the ectoplasmic burns on his hands from touching the CD during one of his ‘Campus Woods Saunters.’”
Despite the unmovable nature of artifacts left behind by the Lost Juggalo, by Friday, Jan. 29, the can had vanished. Bruce was unsure of what to make of this development. “Maybe the ghost got everything he needed to do done,” said Bruce. “Or maybe the sucker just up and vanished, and he’s going to leave behind something worse than just a haunted can next time.”