DISCLAIMER: The following article is an April Fools’ Day article. Though it may relate to real people or events, it is not factual.
Due to the recent influx of incoming students, Montclair State University will auction off the bronze Red Hawk statue that made its debut on campus earlier this fall in order to fund more on-campus housing.
The statue, which stands by the main entrance to campus, carried a hefty price to create and install: about $210,000. The school estimates that they will be able to auction the metal bird off for about $1 million as the starting price, but the statue will ultimately go to the highest bidder.
The auction will be held on April 13 at 3 a.m. in Alexander Kasser Theater. All students and alumni are welcome to attend. Celebrity attendees, to date, include Fetty Wap, Bruce Willis and Jason Bateman. All of the stars, according to an undisclosed source, are expected to be making “outrageously high offers” on the statue.
Details of the new building blueprints will be further established once the sale is final, but according to John Delate, Executive Director of Residence Life, “The new establishment will be equipped with a state-of-the-art bowling alley as well as an all-natural smoothie bar for students to enjoy between classes.”
Other features of the new residence halls include heated floors, balconies in every room, a large trampoline room and a rooftop pool, which will double as a venue for Student Government Association fundraisers.
University officials are planning on demolishing Car Parc Diem in order to fit the new housing in a convenient and scenic area for students. The new building will be named after the individual who purchases the giant Red Hawk statue.
Those who are hoping to take one last selfie before the bird is moved into Kasser Theater for the auction are urged to do so before the crowds grow too large.